I'm tired of my fancy meals of elk, bison, lamb and duck.... i'd rather eat..... SAND!!!!!!!

So I know that my people spend lots of money on fancy schmancy food for me.. and that I should be appreciative.....and I am.. usually......but sometimes it just doesnt cut it.....fruit and veggie patties are NOT what I call ruffage.....and whats with the little mini toothbrush with beef paste...... i need something alot more gritty to clean my teeth... something like.......sand.....yes...it goes down kinda like a liquid.....and the grit... OH the grit.....I like to take BIG mouthfuls.. the drier the better... and then shake it around my mouth.....then of course... as if this wasnt too much fun...i do what i like to call...."freak out the parents".....it kinda involves a hacking, sneezing, coughing noise....like i'm choking maybe......i spray sand everywhere.. then look at them with my poor sad eyes until they feel so bad that i covered my pretty little face and mouth in sand... that they CLEAN IT FOR ME!!!!! what could be better.....mmm.... i know.. MORE SAND!!!!!!!